Time Warp

I touched upon this subject at the end of the PTSD & Cancer blog. Reading other blogs I feel these cancer patients are facing the same thing. What I am trying to say is that you get diagnosed and you are thrown into another world obviously. After coming home from the hospital I felt I had to go through the shock again. Being home with this new reality was another process of acceptance. The home nurse, the lines my husband had to flush with saline every night. I remember his tears dropping on my arm near my pic line. I came home to a new season, and was bald and sickly! Each treatment phase moved so fast that my brain had a hard time keeping up. Glenn will say, it's been 2 1/2 years and I just scoff, it's like it was yesterday to me. When treatment ended and the kids were feeling secure about me, that is when I looked back and began processing this experience. My husband and I had a conversation about the night of diagnosis and what we went through, who said what to who, that was a year after the fact. So all in all I am in some sort of time warp, but I know I will catch up soon.

My Mother

Thirteen years ago yesterday my mother lost her battle to cancer.

After my induction treatment at Albany Med. I was told by my doctors to start walking around the oncology floor. I got masked up, grabbed my IV pole and slowly shuffled down the hall, happy to be out of isolation. As I walked further I realized something was familiar to me, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I looked at the nurses station and realized where I was. I was standing in front of the room my mother passed away in. This is a place I never wanted to see again.

Side By Side

Here is a link to an article I wrote for Dana Farber's "Side By Side" Newsletter

2 1/2 years down, 2 1/2 years to go.

In order to receive my stem cell transplant I had to be conditioned for a week. My regimen included radiation 3 times per day and chemotherapy. (Radiation, the closest to hell I ever want to be). Once I completed treatment I was at day zero. The next day I was infused with my sister's stem cells and this day was called day one, or my new birthday. My husband actually reminded me that today was an important date for me. Day one was April 2, 2008 and I have been at it for two and a half years. The ultimate goal, five years, that's the "big one" my doctor likes to call it. I am half way there and I can see the finish line.